5 Reasons Why You Should Re-elect Me As Your President

1. I love this country. I wanted to name my first-born “America” but my wife Cathy refused.
2. I believe in liberty and justice for all, regardless of race or creed.
3. Creed: an American post-grunge band that became popular in the 1990’s.
4. I already live in the White House. Moving out will cost the taxpayers more money. Money which could have been used to fund the construction of a wall on the Mexican border.
5. Iway amway ilingualbay.